The beast

 

I feel the pain, always. I guess now I allow it to become me, for a minute or two, and run through my body and out through my eyes when I'm alone. 

I'm not afraid of the pain, what scares me is losing everything else, it scares me to be the pain for so long that I no longer know who else I am.

That's it, I'm afraid of getting lost in my emotions, I'm still afraid of how deeply I can feel anything.

I'm afraid of the pulsing craving of lust and desire, I'm afraid of the desperate longing of feeling alive but never reaching that peak of extasis, I'm afraid of the suffering that makes you forget anything and everything around.

I'm afraid of letting go, closing my eyes and leaving it to be as much and whatever it has to and then open my eyes again and find only devastation